devourer of love

my boyfriend is soundly asleep right now.

im having problem sleeping at night.
i hate this habit.
i love sleeping early and starting my day early.
i love morning % evening but i hate afternoon.

to whoever that is concern:
thanks for listening to me whining and all my problems.
it makes me really feel so much better.
and i thank to whomever that is concern for that.
you know who you are

to my roti nan:
thanks for being patient with me, tolerating my nonsense and massive amount of stress during this period.
no more camps and i could see more of you.
i love you nan

and i wish ica starts faster
holiday everyday gets boring at times.
but yes, im appreaciating everything now.
may never get to do this ever when i start.

now i cant sleep
my stomach hurts badly.

i hate being caught in the middle.
leave me out of the affairs.
im shagged from everything.
sorrry

nan
naz
shaz

the HEROES of my life

reality/virtual

LEFT 4 DEAD
:)

fucking idiotic stupid mannan.
!@#$%
bodoh

YES!
HALIK BITCH IS RIGHTTTT!
FINALLLY,
SOMESENSE IS BEING KNOCK INTO MY HEAD
THANKSS BLOOD.
I OWE YOU ONE
:)
AND I WILL DO IT THIS VERY MOMENT.

ARRRGGHHH
TATING OR WHAT.
NO TIME FOR THIS.
K DIAM.

hey readers.
very random topic.

i really adore those who appreaciate what they are having in their life.

some just do not appreaciate anything that Allah have given on them.
some committed suicide
some gave up over minor problems

ive seen my nephew fighting his battle over cancer.
he fought it till the end
and he went away peacefully in his sleep.
how many people who went away..
went away peacefully?

and i knew a girl,
very beautiful and fair girl
very bubbly and cheerful girl
suddenly seeing doubles in her vision
losing control on one of her eyes
suspected of eyes stroke
but when i met her yesterday..
she was all smiles,
bubbly like before
and how do you define that?

after seeing that,
it struck me..
since cancer & stroke is define as chronic disease and a major problem..
and a 3.5 years old toddler fought it hard and never give up
and a beautiful girl losing control of her eye
..
then what is all our everyday problems compared to them?

why running away from home,
consuming alcohol,
smoking your lungs out,
attempting suicide..
is that the answer to all our problems?

think think think think

APPREACIATE WHAT YOU HAVE
APPREACIATE WHAT ALLAH HAS GIVEN YOU BE IT GOOD OR BAD
cause
he puts you to it, he brings you thru it.

please do soul-searching while you can.

im sorry readers,
i just cant seem to stop posting about my boyfriend.

he means so much to me.
he would against the odd to make things right for me.

the account statement arrived last week..
since $800+ was his first ever money in the account..
and that was when we started dating a year a month plus ago..
the statement wrote..
since the last updated balance is $6800
and below that there were a long list of transactions made over a few motnhs back..
i guess its not only 6k+ my boyfriend spent on me..
its more actually..

goodness,
looking at the digits..
we could have gotten married very very soon.
like in 2 months time.
haish.
naz roughly estimated 400+ per month
and its not entirely on me..
his bike+fuel consumption.
but i swear he hardly spend anything on himself.

i make things better for you alrigght baby.
very very soon.
i feel so bad about everythings
friends have been rubbing into it.
hahaha. gle la korang.

it was so great of a conversation i had mith my roti nan yesterday..
yeap..
everything will go as plann very soon.
im so looking forward for it.
we could have gooten it sooner but nvm, be a little bit more patience for the best one.

nicely plann.
super duper nice.
i loveitttt!
i cant wait la sey.

love you roti nan.

monday;

i was super bored at home
watie bitch had her first day in RP.
she is still alive though she said she wants to jump down from 7th floor.

i met shaz in the night.
super duper last minute sey.
he had his interview till 710pm
kesian sey, he hasnt eaten anything
rokok yang dier carik.

we hang around at jurong point till 9pm
and he is really like makcik..
buy roti, maggi, burger for his squadmates.
kesian shaz.

and again,
i become their rokok keeper this week.
naz asked me to keep his rokok
and
shaz also.
sajak la korang bestfriend.

ATTENTION.
SHAZ AND
HALIK'S NAME(ONLY) IS ON THE NEWS.
CHANNEL NEWS ASIA!

i had 2 interviews today.
one was super far and the other one was at cbd area.
tele-marketing & trainer's assistant.

tele-marketing
1.1k (basic)
office hours
paya lebar

trainer's assistant
8 an hour
free-lance
assist trainers during external couses in school.

i secure both jobs
but im not taking them
reason being, i dont want that job.
tele-marketing, seriously..not advisable.
the other one..
if im free, i take up the assigment.

enough of that.

soooo,
i went dinner with my beloved people.
super last minute.
zul accompanied me thru out the day today..
and we meeet the other chucies at glass house for fish&co.

since its zul's treat
i couldnt say much but to agreee
i had seafoood platter which cost 19.90
kesian zul
and we spend a total amount of 158$
hahaha, me and watie standard FREE.

we then went to starbuck for our little cakes.
kesian zul..
couldnt get his cheese cake
i get it for him when i see him again
we bumped into an adm and his gf
geeraam giler sakkk
im so tempted to say ' at least i loook way better then your gf'
grrrr, but kesianla kan. the gf super decent and young.
and on accord of bo..
i just take it though inside my head i feel like spilling hot water his face.
and i didnt salam HIM. SUMPAH MALAS.

and yes..
that was my day without my boyfriend.
i wish he was here.
i went home alone..haha, nothing new
tooodles.

if you could turn back time would you feel everything once again?

if i could turn back time..i would take some and leave some.

lets just be honest :)
1. i would spend extra time with oldman, jannah, sue, shaliz, gerard, malcolm, yaosheng, gary, baoxian, huda, fadli, syufhan, soonkeat, amin, razzaq....

2. knowing ke shiquan again :)

3. not knowing fahmy, he creates great massive mess in my life. only nan knows how great the mess is. all thanks to that !@#$%^&. ggggrrrrrmmmm

4. never to retake my o-level. completely waste of my time. if only i took sport management then. maybe i'll be inpoly cause badinfluence rate very low that year. haha

5. appreaciate all those times we spend together at forever21..chekrose, fizzah, sheila, abgazaaam cukor chest hair, moe, jazzzzzzzzz handsome, akasha mak penat girlll, lagu thailand, dancing in the fitting room, raizan, ishan. no life over the weekend but hell loads of fun. i swear :)

6. never to date halik, now we are bloood. eh? hahaha

7. never to date hilmi, dani, syawal and many many more.

8. never to be in relationship with nazmi (big NO), rizal, fadli hahaha.

9. never to slack in year one. i could be in poly now.

10. to have ignored all those so called social life outside and spend more time with my family, in particularly ARIQUE. which includes ; town every week, out almost everyday, late nights every weekend. goodness.

11. but..things i never regret doing would be being in ITE, going for the seniors' sport camp. cause thats when i met good good best best friends like HALIK, WATIE, AN, ZULBEAN, BRENBREN, SHASHA AND thats where i found my one and only roti nan and thats when i finally brace myself to break the ice by...asking him to massage my legs. i made the first move la. if not, it would be him cause he ask my email from SHASHA. and that bitch name appear on his one year annivesary post. -________- haha.

damn ************
i wish i hasnt seen your face.
i'll get out sooon.

this is for you..
im so fortunate to have a GEM like you.
for some reason, its just so hard to find anybody so..
perfect
sincere
faithful
honest
like you.

as you know, one quality that really attracts me to you was your sincerity.
its your SINCERITY that makes you stand out from all those guys i was dating then.
that sincerity you have in you was already implanted.
without much effort like other guys put to wooo,
you attract me easily with that "sincere quality" you have.

i still remember those days
when many were shocked upon our decision to be with each other.
how some of our friends somehow disagree
and some stating that we wont last long.
worse, they gauge that we'll be together for only a month
im so glad you stick to your decision and be with me despite warnings given to you.
and here we are.
stronger then ever

till now, i never regretted my choice being with you
and till now, that sincerity in whatever youve done for me, i could feel it
hence making me love you more and more each day.

im just so blessed to have a wonderful boyfriend like you.
and i know i make you angry & disappointed all the time
but i never mean any of those words.
for what i know, i love you deeply.
it is embedded in my heart and no one/nothing could change the love i'm having for you.
and im sure many envy on our relationship like how i envied those when i haven found you :)

i love you till death.
okay?? hehe.
i love you darling.

okay.
im super bored at home.
my friends are all busy with school and work.
so what should i do?

ive gotten a job but i neeed to wait.
i justcant wait to start on my job soooon
and again, what should i do??

i msged a few of my friends yesterday.
1. camelot
2. camp high achiever
3. coffee bean
4. telemarketing
5. mosi cafe
6. giraffe

the first 2 is camps of course..and kinda 50/50. i hate having to pack my bag and leave home eventhough under present circumstances i dont mind doing it, but im just lazy.
the third one, i have to undergo training, and i guess i only get partial of the pay. by the the time i complete my training, i guess it would be just nice for me to start my permanent job. so nahhhhh.
akasha offered me the fourth job. hmmmm, strategic location, okayokay working time. not bad basic. so ya, im taking that job.
though im sooooo lazy to work.
i rather not touch on mosi and girafffe.

sooo, im meeting sheila and einnn later. my goodness sheila, leave smoking out of my name. you wouldnt want them to get the wrong idea again. hahaha

haha.

life is full of jokes.

hahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

I PLAYED LEFT 4 DEAD or is it LIFE 4 DEAD?

hahahahaaaaa, we played at grandlink for near 2 hours.

i hate being the infected.

i love being the survivor.

there were kotekkonek, oni, demondome, nazee and modzsquad fazzy fazzy

gle la kiter.

i made the most noise and end up shooting their legs or shooting my own team-mates(prangai halikwalit)

i had so much fun.

we then played pool

my rule which means

the white ball will go everywhere i want (but i still lose against SHAZ)

goodnessgraciousme..

iluma's cinema..fucking long queue.

our moods were dampened when the rain falls heavily..

and me BEING A GOOD FRIEND TO SHAZ DECIDED TO WALK WITH HIM TO ARAB STREET TO AVOID GETTING DRENCH.

and guess what, we're wetter then the guys on bike.

!#$%^&*

met hisham and ellice

we ate our lunch cum dinner at ZAM ZAM ALAKASAM

my indian lasagne with onion!

ONION! ONIO! ONI! ON! O!

SHAZ SHAZ SHAZ...HAISH!

(no comment)

we were super bored..

wait till the rain stop and proceed to starbuck..

finallly, we managed to catch the 710pm show at bugis.

hahahahaaaaa

CEPAT & GARANG 4.

we got discounts from the kind staff..she was sooo sweeet and nicee :)

hahahahaaaaaaaa.

i love it.

stupid supershaaa..never answer my question.

i now understand how you feel halik.

we had donutssssssss!

we head straight home after that since they msged me a little bit late.

i was already home when you bitches msged.

so yeah..

thanks shaz and naz and nan especially for all the treats in any form.

i know, free labour, at home & outside.

and no matter how many times i check my atm, my pay wont come in.

so shuddddup k.

love you.

mwah!

i thought it was gonna be a boring day at home yesterday.
wanted to go to expo, but mom decided to cancel it..
-______________-
infact it very boring when my sister start to clean the house herself.
i was lazy tooo helped out.
i just cleaneed my rooom.

so ya, thats the cleaner version of the living rooom.
and it was so random when they decided to go out to jurong point in the eveening.
i love it.

or i'll be dead bored.
or just bug my boyfriend to accompany me on the phone.

and we walked around..
had very very late dinner at long john.
i love it.
:)

the helpful, sweet, nicer version of siti faeqa. :)

Presenting mr and mrs ahmad

our FIRST bed :)

i gave birth to a twin. named FAZLUNA AHMAD & ARIQUE AHMAD

our messy second house.

Our infant to toddler birthdays :)

i built this house with my bare hands.
my current house

arique went to club without our permission.
feeling deejay.

family discussion in the jacuzzi.

just us!

hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
this is my SIMS family.
einn, upload yours also la.
toooodles.

VERY RANDOM.
i love my mom, dad, sisters, brothers, nephews & nieces.
:)
i love them so much
without them im not me.
i appreaciate everything that they've done for me.
im fortunate to have born into this wonderful family of mine
I LOVE MY FAMILY

congrats to BRENDON, BOBO AND FAME.
up-to-date
brendon and bobo will be serving the POLICE FORCE on 9th june and 7th july respectively.
fame will be serving the CIVIL DEFENCE on the 7thjuly.
p.s kesian ADAWIYAH DAN WATIESUNSHINE.
but watie worse, must wait for 10 gruelling days of confinement,
ad noneed!
hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

and

NAZEE & SHAZYZY finally passed their LAW TEST after 2nd time trying.
p.s. if hyder can do it, so can you =)
dah, jgn action pat matair aku, check check lagi 3 bulaN!
wahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

and

HALIK cant serve the nation cause he is A GAY.
wannabe white padahal makan blacan.
nak step ikot owen aku and andrew shasha jek.
wahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa.

and

i guess farhan, zulhafiz and halik will get police.

and yes..
IM STILL DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH AHMAD MANNAN.
and congrats upon getting your regular contract.
half half k your pay with me.
=)

and..
i still miss arique.
love you baby.

i love my great great friends :)

WATIE ULTRA BITCH BITCH

FARHAN BITCH

HALIK BITCH

BRENDON BITCH

what does that sign means? everyone is doing it, so we did it. kinda stupid though.

yesterday was super great.

i had soooo much fun.

i love my friends.

mwah!

im so glad ive cleared the air with sheila baby.
here goes;
im so happy that we finally had the chance to really have a heart-to-heart talk.
ive beeen wanting to tell you about what i told you just but its so hard to start the conversation.
im so glad both of us somehow initiate the conversation.
i really really hope youve understand the situation after the long talk just now
and yes, i finally understand yours too.
its not about mannan baby.
like i said, my family really really matters sooo much to me after the crisis we've been hit recently.
and i will find time to spend my time with einn, shasha and you especially.
im sorry for thinking otherwise about the question youve posed to me.
and i definately dont wanna lose you over something/somebody that doesnt mean anything to me.
and i finally saw my old sheila when we talked just now.
i love you baby.
so much.

helllo guys.
i upload today's picture tml cause im too lazy to walk to my room to take my handphone.

anyway..
its been so long since i went to simei.
made my way there with my dearest watie, brendon, an and halik.
i printed my results and get my certified true copy from the admin stuff
and of course faxed it to ica.
i love it when everything is done.

we then head to bugis to meet the rest which is zul, ogy & ayie.
we had quick dinner at tongseng and went to iluma to catch GRAN TORINO.
superb and smoooth.
i love it though i hate the ending.
i cried soooo much towards then end.
now i miss walter or wally (right)
btw, GRAN TORINA is his car (i thought its his name; shortform for GRANDPA torino)
hahaha

we wanted shisha but since an had to go off early..
we cancelled it.
we went to chill at coffeebean instead.
we crap so much over there.

i got super mad at fahmy.
he lied to me again and again.
finally i fucked him on the phone.
i was at the top of my voice when i spoke to him
i would have punch his face if he is standing infront of me at that time.
luckily sheila's touch on my back coool me down.
everyone parted and sheila&me went to meet fahmy at tanjong pagar.
finally he paid his last 50 to me.

fahmy, sorry for being sucha bitch to you just now cause youre sucha dick too just now. well anyway, its over. youve paid the 800bucks and i cleared the rest. contact me thru my boyfriend not me alright. haha. take care.

i had a date with ahmad mannan bin sadari just now.

i went for my dearest niece baby shower..
he grew so big..
he is super super adorable.

since my another 2 dearest are either broke or sick..
nan makes my day.
he surprises me with 2 movie ticket to ....(watie will kill me)

wow, its been so long since we dated uh.
i love that you & me feeling
i love you baby.

after the movie..
went to meeet the ladies at shisha.
sorry didnt stay long
:(

and then, met shaz and naz at shaz' place.
haha, i was superbly hungry..
thanks shaz for the tomyam (prangai ahmad)
hahaha, we catch the ring 2 together.
i love it :)

helllo again :)

i miss all my dear friends..

halik who always makes me laugh by all his crappy shit. when im super down, he would cheer me up..

watie has always been the one i turn tooo when im irritated or sad (evm brought us closer)..she is always supportive and make me look on the bright side. i always adore the supportive part as she would always be by my side even if im wrong or right. and when im wrong, she would tackle the problems rather then bitching it behind my back. i love you so much bitch.

i miss an & zul comforting pat on the back even if he got nothing to say after he asking me what happen and ive decided to tell him. it makes me feel so much better..
during my ite days..this are the people i turned tooo when im super down..

now when i hardly get to meeet them, when im facing shitty stufff..i just feel lost at times..i just hope that they are here with me to give me alll the support.

im just so broken now.
i love you.

i hate it when i have something to say but i couldnt make out the words.
how easily people could generate those feelings and emotions into words.
im not gifted with that.
i find it so hard to "talk it out", even to my boyfriend im facing that..

but i know..
deep inside im hurt, im sad by whatever that had happened or happening to me.
just too many emotions going on..
at times, i reached the point of breaking down
and just wannna shout at every single of of those faces that causes pain on me.
maybe then i feel better??
idk.

i tried bridging the gap..
i tried, too many times..
the more i tried, the bigger the gap will get..

its just painful..
when i lose someone..for good.
its painful to lose people whom you love & respect.

im sorry if anyone feel the pinch..
i didnt mean it.
the gap is too big..
beyond my control and anyone's control..

im just reverting to my oldself..
keeping everyting to myself and smile to even those who cause so much pain on me.
but again, im used to it..

Stupid people asking stupid question just proof how stupid the thinking of a stupid moron. Watever

Aniwaes, been sumtime i post an entry..ahah..life's ok..same thing...go in go out in go out....nuting special...just a class 3...ahahah..k dats bragging...wat u gona do? sue me?ahah...niwaes.. theres a high chance i will get the job..i hope i do...den me n faz can get wat we really wanted..hehe..

Look..grow up..its really time to grow up.. nuting good will come to those who try their best in looking their best when all they are doing is ruining people's life. sumtimes people need to grow up.. growing up isnt about the age factor..its about the thinking factor.. when are you growing up? trying to perfect other's life? trying to aprove who to be with who not? wat bout doing that to ur own life 1st? 1 think for sure, things are never wat it seems to be. when u feel comfortable with sumting, another will surely drop. trouble after trouble. why? i feel people are bored of no trouble life, never ending causing trouble and problem to others. what are u guys thinking? wat do u take me off? wat the hell do u mean by that. u think love is like in the movie? over night and smooth sailing and easy? there's this 1 think the movie miss out...they miss it out in the movies and shows...its called, sacrifice. they missed out the hell they went thru to be together. the never ending fite because of fear of losing 1 another. putting down ur ego to the level dat others will spit on ur face. and ask urself..is it worth it?yes, every little second because i love her. Trust and love for not her looks only..but herself..wat she is..not wat u want her to be.. do anyting even if normally u dont cause for her and only her.. do u even know wat the hell we went thru? do u even know our every conversation, do u even know wat we think and how we think, and u ask that stupid question.. and disguested or not trusting the answer, i tell u this, im the 1 who is really disgusted by ur actions and irritated by it, wat do u mean by it.

Look, wat im trying to say is i love faz so much, and she love me 2, not cause i force her, not cause she force me, but its cause we do. Please, dont bother trying to do anything cause if i find it to the point dat its way to annoying, den only god knows wat will happen

Guess this means you're sorry
You're standing at my door
Guess this means you take back
All you said before
Like how much you wanted
Anyone but me
Said you'd never come back
But here you are again

'Cause we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly,
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you

Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye
Maybe I was wrong for tryin' to pick a fight
I know that I've got issues
But you're pretty messed up too
Either way, I found out I'm nothing without you

'Cause we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly,
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you

Being with you
Is so disfunctional
I really shouldn't miss you
But I can’t let you go
Oh yeah

'Cause we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly,
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you

p.s. for you baby.
love you.

do you know that your questions hurts me so much?
and it just tells me who you reallly are to me
dont bother asking, i wont tell you
and i wont tell anyone the truth.
i just continue smilling like as if nothing happen alright?
for all time sake i just bear all the pain you inflicted&inflicting on me.
i smile alright.

psst.. not about mannan, you.
:)

okay bitches.
latest update.
no poly for all of us EXCEPT watieSUNSHINE
HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!
congrats bitch.
she made it RP SPORTS & EXERCISE SCIENCE.

for the rest of us..
they guys are serving the nation and me, serving the government.

better be nice to me or i bann you from entering singapore
:)
this goes out to OWEN MONAGHAN :)

MY RESULTS ;

April 2007
Introduction to Sports Science C
Business Fundamentals D
Office Applications C

October 2007
First Aid, CPR & Sport Injuries C
Human Resource Administration D
Fundamentals of Fitness D
Business Communication C

April 2008
Outdoor Recreation B
Sports Administration B
Industrial Attachment B

October 2008
Event Management B
Coaching B
Principle of Marketing C
Total GPA 2.100
:)

so i went to my brother's passing out ceremony yesterday at the civil defence academy.
the show was superb.
my brother was in the frontline to extinguish the fire with the heavy hose.
im so proud of him.
he is not posted to jurong firestation shasha *ahem*
the food was great.
no pictures for now as it is with has and my sister.
upload sooon.

so i went to jurong point with my family just now.
super last minute.
cancel the meeting with halik, watie and shasha to go to school.
had sakura for breakfast cum lunch
and desert at mc cafe.
i love it :)

so nan went for his bike inspection..
took him so long to finally settle his bike stuff..
extra 10$ for a day late of renewing his road tax.
so if youre curios how everything goes..(like me)
theres some pictures taken while he is doing his inspection
they check on lights, the sound of the bike..yadayadayada

i love you mannan.
no matter how hard we fight,
how many times we hurt each other,
know that i love.

i never once regret leaving anyone that i left.
and i never thought about them after i left them.
whatever happens in the past is in the past.
ive moved on and i dont wanna look back. ever.
if i could 'take' anything from the past,
i would only take you, arique&my family and friends worth keeping only.
thats all.

you are so right for me.
so perfect.
everything i ever wanted in a man is in you.
and i dont ever wanna leave you for anything.
im not dumb.
i know what i want and who i want to be with.

its ONLY you and me
anyone who thought otherwise is not important
cause if they are important, they wouldnt think otherwise.

i love you
:)