i just learnt from rasul about his friend's death.
she rides, and got into a bad bad accident.
wont elaborate.

Allah really takes away life so easily..
imagine all our lifes..
so full of sins..
how are we going to atone for all the sins if He takes it away suddenly?
the sins to him and and to people..

haish..

al-fateha to her.
amin..

i promise i update sooon.
ive beeen too busy with so many things.

i started on my job recently..
it was okay.
all i do was sit and sit and sit.
my permanent buddy came just now.
it was alright.

my working schedule is fine but accomodating with nan's is hard.
girls who wants to be with their boyfriends most of the time will understand this.

and i swear, that im so tired of trying too hard.
truth, i want to be with him whenever i can.
and if i couldnt, its up to him to be with me or not.
it hurts to the max when you said that.
though you claimed that you said that under different circumstancees..

its your turn.
its up to you.
nothing is enough in a relationship..
but im just tired.
im fighting my guts out with you just to meet you, and spend time with you.
haish.

and now,
im done. with everything.

i cried when i promise myself never to shed tears.
i hurt myself when i promise to protect myself.
the insults, sarcasm and all the mean things that you and your friend poured on me..
brings me back to square one that he had placed me.
words kill.

and here i am again.
square one.
useless.

and like so finally..
WE GRADUATE TOGETHER
:)

2 yeaRS passed very very quickly
without those important people, i dont i'll graduate.
we push and pull each thru till the end
:)

the first girl who smiled at me on my way up to the auditorium(she was going down)
siti aishah
the one i thought was a chinese girl cause mater so sepet
watie ultra bitch aka sunshine
the boys..
were at the row behind us, nak step coool jek.
:)

an body, bobo, fame, adawiyah, shasha, skudai, ogy, brendelilah
halik, watie, zulbean, an batu
:)

to watie:
i always adore you for everything. adore wanie for having sucha great friend like you. and now, we're finally super close, im so fortunate.
to have really someone to turn to for good whenever everything around me comes tumbling down. i swear, its really hard to find a good soul like you. and after finding for someone im comfortable telling everything about..i'll cherish you. thanks for giving me a chance to be your friend and to be close to you.

and for some reason, i always have the urge to hear from you everyday. and it would be great to know that youre doing fine. but damn shitty to know if you fought with delilah or BFF. haha, you cb bitch, dont create trouble can or not?!
AND I STILL HAVEN FORGIVE YOU FOR LETTING ME THE LAST TO KNOW AFTER 6 EFFING MONTHS! nbccb

to halik:
damn fucking wrong of me to date you. but come to think about it, for that mistake, we actually found true friend in each other. i bicker with you more then i bicker with watie, and you definately bicker more with watie and hence, you shall take away the title of SUPER ULTRA BITCH.

i never met any male bitchier from you. so manly on the outside, but fucking gay and bitchy once we know you. but im so happpy to have you around as part of my life. reallly very fortunate.

you know me, i hardly open up to people, and once i do, that goes to show how much trust i have in you and how special you are to me. youre more then a best friend, youre my blood. without me having to say much, you understand everything. and we always share the same thought, though opposite at times, WE manage to live with the difference.

and if you decided to stay single all your life, i have my children to take care of you and to love you like how they love me. thanks for everything mate. we are blood for life.

about zulbean&batu:
i dont think they'll ever read. and if batu blog hopp, it wouldnt be my blog, it would be CHICKIES blogs. and zul would nevr ever read my blog. fucking ignorant shit!

they are the best! i mean, guys seldom listen, bitch and give suggestions. they seldom show their enthusiasm about anything. thats one thing about their kind. bean&batu..they are different. they are gifted to have a little bitcH of those girlish sense. they tend to understand girls more.

and trust me, when we get down to talk about everything..they always make things better for you. they make you look on other perspective and let you have the honest guys opinion. when i cry, they'll find me tissue paper. when i neeed a hug or just pat on the back, they'll be there for me. when im sick, they'll take care of me.

one thing for sure..they never leave you behind. never ever turn their back on you. they'll be there for you even if you decided to vomit on their shoe ( i did it to zul), they'll make sure you feel better and keep on reminding you to take care of yourself. if possible, they'll find you medicine to eat.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
one word to describe me;
BLESSED.

Im glad i had the tok with her yest, i hope things get better now. yes,its been awhile we have not done thngs like dat, tok alone, just us..our voices no 1 else.its been awhile, to see such a beutiful scene and talking to each other..i love u faz.. im so sorie for hurting you.. its ok ayang...you can trust me.. like how i trust me.. u can have faith in me, like how i have faith in u.. our dreams is not short.. my dream with u is nt short..this is for a better future.. for our kids..for us :).. everythings going to be ok now ayang.. i live u so much!

santeria by sublime

I don't practice santeria
I aint got no crystal ball.
Well, I had a million dollars but I
I'd spend it all,
If I could find that heina and that sancho that she's found,
well I'd pop a cap in sancho and I'd slap her down.

What I really wanna know,
my baby, what I really want to say I can't define.
Well it's love,
that I need, oh ,
but my soul will have to,
wait till I get back find heina of my own.
Daddy's gonna love one and all.

I feel the break,
feel the break,
feel the break and I got live it out,
oh, yea huh, well I swear that I.
What I really wanna know, my baby,
what I really want to say I can't define.
Got love! make it go,
my soul will have to...

ohhh What I really wanna say,
my baby,
What I really wanna say is I've got mine.
and I'll make it, Yes, I'm comin' up.

Tell sanchito that if he knows what is good for him he best go run and hide.
Daddy's got a new .45.
and I won't think twice to stick that barrel straight down sancho's throat.
Believe me when I say that I got somethin for his punk ass.
What I really wanna know, my baby,
oh what I really wanna say is there's just one,
way back,
and I'll make it, yea,
but my soul will have to wait.
yea, yea, yea

If i were a boy..

If I were a boy even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted
And go drink beer with the guys

And chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted
And I'd never get confronted for it
'Cause they stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
'Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
So they'd think that I was sleeping alone

I'd put myself first
And make the rules as I go
'Cause I know that she'd be faithful
Waiting for me to come home, to come home

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
'Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake
Think I'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But you're just a boy
You don't understand
And you don't understand, oh
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man

You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
'Cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy

to mannan;

its hard at times keeping up with you.
and i know its hard for you keeping up with me.
we both have different wanting.
and the only common wanting between us is love.

and no matter how badly others wanna see us fall..
we are together
cause we are bonded by love
that some do not even have the privilege of having.
hence im fortunate to have you and no matter what, i wont let you go
eventhough you were so persistent THEN.

i hate whatever happens yesterday.
when i hurt you, i hurt myself.
when i hit you, i feel the pain.

i thought things are gonna be better after the 6months near 7 months of gruelling wait.
those sundays..
when i rush to your place,
and we rush wherever we go.
those saturdays when we have to divide our time with so so many things.
those fridays when i have to wait till you finish your prac late at night.
i thought things are reallly gonna be better.
but somehow im wrong.

i feel that in life..i wait too much.
at times, i feel like giving up, cause its too hard on me.
i do not want to continue.

and for love..
i wait.

and to anyone who tried to get thru me yesterday..
sorry for not picking up the calls and replying to messages.
youre not the only one im avoiding.
thanks abglili