hmmm.. i dont know wat to update..well being playing l4d for few days now..its fun..ahah..duh~ since when is game not fun for me..ahah.. well sat going out with faz fam...if its confirm...nd to pass driving test by his abg ipah 1st..it is his car..ahah..o well..no pressure..jz drive as per normal..dat means no drifting for a few days....wahahah yea rite..k dats all..cheers! yea..short..wat u gona do? sue me?ahah...that phrase remind me of din..where is dat din aniwaes..step jage mrt..rumah sendiri tk jage..nk jage mrt..ahaha..k diam..aniweas! i love fazzy baby! hehe

idk why but i become so irritated when it seems that you don understand.
why cant you just remove the effing heart?
im just so confuse why is it there.
cause i never especially done anything for you and tadaaaa...a heart on my name or shuold i say faz&oni.
you just seem so persistence do you.
nvm, i just ask nan to tag on your blog. better still if he calls you.

work is fine.
seems more like school to me.
or the feeling of cant wait to go for cca then.
i love work.
i love being there.

i cant wait to fire arms and get that marksman.
gua marksman beb back in secondary school.
i hope it works all nice for me.
i saw a few BUAYE DARAT.
but i learn so many stufff as well..

ya.
lazy to talk about nan.
cause he doesnt update.
maybe he is updating some where else.
fcuk.
whatever.

everyday in my life..
there is always one person im worried about.
haish.

if mannan, friends, family or whoever makes me worried..
then that would be additional burden on my shoulder.

so ya.
the day when i stop worrying about that person..
is the day that im the happiest girl.

very random :)

my life have been a total madness...
ive finally started my long awaited job with the ica.
im now doing my 6 weeks training at home team.
it almost going into my 2nd week of training.

i had the wonderful bunch of colleagues.
they are like super fun.
my first friend i made there also shared the same birthday as me.
haha.
i got to know about it just now.
coolness.
so we are having out bbq this friday.
they booked the pit and stuff.
so ya.
looking forward for that.

i love my family so much though at times i feel that i hate them so much.
especially my mom..
i wont say what she did but that was the sweetest thing she could have ever did. i dont think that she is even aware that i knew about it.
thanks bro for making me feel so much better when i need some comfort.
the sister whom i haven been talking for months was the one who was there to settle everything when i messed up everything big time.
and i really regret saying all that to my dad..i really love him but its just so hard to explain at times..

we messed up big times.
im just so embarassed over the whole issue.
but im glad we settle the difference and leave evrything behind
and move forward together.
happy 1 year 5 months :)

haish.
i miss you
i love you still.
never fades.

still..
how far can love goes?

its hard for me to believe wat u say. wat u say is wat u nt mean. u say to burn anger in my heart. ur sacasm. ur exagaration. yes, u cant see wat i do to u. u are use to wat i have done to u b4. dat when i nt do it. u start getting to clingy, to irritating. i cant entertain u 24/7. im working. at home most of the time i be sleeping or spent the next 2-3 hrs remaining b4 meeting playing game. why cant i get my free time? u had plenty so u find it ok. u tell tales, see the part of past that what i have done bad to u, but never tell tales of y i did it. wat exactly happen. why dont u think before u say? u just say to feel better but never say for the sake of truth. i've chage, i agree. u should know y i change. u should have seen the reason of my metamaphosis. u of all people should know wat happen between us. dont jump to conclusion like every word i say dat u put it against me. think before u jump. no matter wat i love u. dats y i keep coming back. i threw my ego of wat i say to come back to u cause i love u. but u cant see it. u see it as i ask u do things. the truth is..its only 5-7 appeal letter u did for me, the letter that u refuse to give me the infomation that i need for me t appeal. y i get fined, u should know y.and u find it a hassle for me to ask u to do it for me. i only find u for that? when i work its only once or twice i ask u to. and its because the person call cause of the late payment. but the countless time i get scolded, for toking to u on the phone again n again is nt seen. u heard several time when i toking the background start scolding me, but u cant see that. when i msg get scolded, u cant see that. all u see is the bad dat happen a few times but not the good that happen several time. yes, i say step hero, when u ask me to leave. to fuck of. to not contact u animore, to ignore u, NOT when u come back. ur exagration and assumption never change. still i love u

its 2 am and i cant sleep.
ive got class at 8am tml.
3 days straight ive been sleeping late.
2 am everyday.
boyfriend was confuse on why i was still tired today despite me sleeping at 9pm.
truth is, no.
i didnt sleeep till 2 yesterday.
i just want to leave you alone.

do you love me?
do you still adore me like how you do when you surprise me with bubble tea?
it was sweet right?

the ring on my birthday present symbolises our love..
i was so shoocked when i saw you throwing it hard across the busy road..
my bad when i force you to take out and throw it away..
but you know i didnt mean it.
it hurts so bad to see you throwing away something very meaningful to us.

i cant breath when im so angry or so sad.
my heart aches to the point of numbness.
i shed countless times and i idk how many buckets of tears have been cmoing out of my eyes.

you are not the sweet sounding, sincere, loving nan i know.
you are angry, bad tempered nan now.
i suddenly become so scared of you.
so fearful to tell you the truth over everything..
so scared to disagree..
im so scared when yourre angry..
when youre angry, you even ask me to go back home when im a bedok waiting for you.
you swithed off your phone for one whole night leaving me in agony, fear..the squeeze the water out of me..
you throw all sorts of vulgar at me..

nan, im sorry if i am pompuan pukimak, pompuan tak gune, pompuan sial, the hinder, the useless, the stupid, the crazy girl, the clingy girl, the over possesive.
im so sorry nan.
i just love you. love keeeps me coming back to you. the feeling that i had specially for you keeps me coming back to you no matter how hard you slap me with all those hurtful facts. i just love you. and cause i love you therefore i darent talk more.
i just hold on baby.

do i look like a dog to you??

you ask me to get ready bring your stuff and you change it last minute?
or you ask me to get ready when you are angry you ask me to go back home no matter where i am?

FUCK OFF LA CBS.

im not your fucking dog.
stop treating me like one fucking dog.
stop coming to me when you onlyneeed me.

i had fun at work just now!

my first friend is herman
and the rest are shila, noraini & dila.

i beginning to love going to class.
miss does days in ite.

mwahh!! mwahh!! - thats what fir tersent to me.
one lazy field instructor.
everytime i call to meet him, he is SLEEPING.

NO MATTER HOW FUCKED UP YOU ARE TO ME..
i still love you.
haish.

movies with lovelies later :)

from the first time we were together till now..
things change so much.
some for the better. some for the worse.

i find it so hard to talk to you. i find it so hard to tear away from you.
i feel that i could no longer confide in you. whenever i feel sad about arique, i cant seem to talk about my feelings that has been bottled up. it seems that you cant wait to put a fullstop to my sentence. who do i turn too if i cant even confide in you? as days pass, our love doesnt bloom and i dont want to be in denial anymore.

it is wrong for me to listen to your voice before i go to sleep? you havee been doing for the past months. why cant you do it now and continue doing it? why cant the everything be normal? why do you have to leave me to cry on my own at night, to find comfort within myself and to heal my own wounds? why cant you make things a little better for me?

when i start confiding, your conclusion is im irritating, over pampered. you never listen. you never know what little pleasures that a partner could do. cause to you, only money do the talking and actions. again, you can never understand the pain girls have to go thru. you can never feel what i feel.

and when you busy, you just erase me totally from everything. you just find me when you need me. like when youre busy working, the only things that makes you wanna msg me frequently is to ask whether ive done whatever admin work that i need to do for you - ringing starhub, axs, writing countless appeal letters...if not. you would shut up for the next 4 5 6 hours. when i ask you to call for mere pathetic 2 minutes. i have to wait till 3 am.

the only thing that keeps me coming back to you is love. not cause i want to step hero, the term you always put when i say things that i reall mean. but again, how far can love goes?

you may think it clingy. but you never once feel bless for whatever you have now. you never appreaciate someone being so faithful to you. you never appreaciate whatever ive done for you. stop denying nan. ask yourself, how many times ive give in to you on accord of your work. how many times you left me stranded on the busy road and expect me to hold on to your hand when i cross one after another busy road. it never hit you that i may never come back once you let go of my hand right? please..i find it so hard to talk to you, confide and im too tired for all the long messages. so i just type it out. i may never came running back to you one day if you continue letting my hand go.

I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND SO MUCH.

we had so much fun yesterday.
we spend the day together doing SHOPPING!

we spent so much.
he bought me $100 zara leather jacket
and he got himself a leather jacket costing 150.
a mouth mask that cost 24
and his glove that cost 20.

we are so crazy people.
ive bought him a bag that cost 50
and i got myself a bracelet at perlinis.

okay.
first day of training at tracom tml.
fucking fucking nervous.

thanks for the wonderful time baby.
i love you.
mwah!

i dont understand.
nan's phone is diverted to mine.
so if people call him, he doesnt answer
it would be divertedd to me.

and usually,
when he is working, he tends to get very popular.
people ringing at wee hours and yadayadayada.

okay,
i dont mind if its diverted to mind cause i could just ignore it.
but at times for fun sake, i just answer it.

police officers are so ill-mannered.
they heard a different voice and put down.
bodoh nak mampos.
but not all.
im refering to those who ring and put down.
fucking rude.

whats with "butch-ism" & "lesbian-ism"
fucking disgusting.
fuck off.

p.s. sorry if my comment ouch anyone.

how time flies.
it already a year.
yet everything so fresh.
the pain, tears, suffering our family went thru is still very fresh in our hearts and minds.

it really seems so yesterday.
366 days
yet deep inside our hearts..
we miss him dearly.
time won heal as when time goes by..
the pain of missing him gets so over-whelming
the pain of missing him will prolly go away when we die.

haish.
al-fateha

everyone have a black heart, that's how people are..that's what we really are...my tots is still the same, love to hate..hate to love... no mater how u change this 2...its still hate in the end..that's pratical too..no mater which journey, which destination u choose to embrace, there will still be hate.. hate run's in our vein. hate is the very reason we exist. thats what human like us were made..u will never hear aniting in this world that co-exist with hate then us human... go think about it..no other thing in this world or anyway that have hate except us...
as for me..i hate many things, many things.. my heart is as black as the 1 reading this. my heart is as heavy as u...we don't deserve to be hated but i ask u..how many that u know, minus the amount u hate and minus the amount who hate u...n u see that the people that likes u is only a handfull.. this is not including the amount of people that is being a hypocrite. we are after all living in a world of hypocricy...so i ask u, how many people do u hate and how many people hate u? who can u trust. how many friends do u really have? do we really deserve this hate?