My heart is very heavy, this month is a special, its the bulan ramadan. Its not only fasting, whats the diference between our defination of fasting and the rest? Fasting is not just holding your hunger, its never about just holding your hunger. its to hold on everything that we have released for the 11 mnths we are not fasting. our vulgarities, our anger, our emotions that rage beneath our heart. most important the hate with have deep inside our heart. hate is not a bad thing, it make u realise wat love really is, it makes u realise how beautiful life is. Those who have suffered hard ship, went thru war, went thru hate all their life, will realise how beautiful life is. imagine all the hatred you hold against the world, all the anger you have been releasing, you hold all ur emotions, all your lust all that you take advantage of, for this special 1 month, you will soon realise, y are you so pitiful to urself? y do u keep all this hatred? Media have brainwash all our mind, even me, to make vulgarities, anger, hatred and lusty sins to be common. we have seen it as if its normal. yet "old timer" find it not to be as normal as us. Are they really old timer? no, they have seen alot, wats with the hate, wats with anger? its not normal, it was never normal to have that. I am not against media, nor anti any comercial stuff, its just sad that we don't know what is reality and what is not. The sadest part is, im caught in between this spiral pool of a maelstorm, so deep that i dont realise what is reality. wat is normal wat is not. It is said to many that the sins, the devil that tempt us to do sinfull deeds are tied up, and now i ask u, have u tied up ur own sins that u do w/o being tempted? how many times are we tempted to do sins that we do willingly and use Shaitan as a reason?

Many won't understand even 1/4 of wat im trying to say, but i know my baby faz understands wat im trying to say. i have sin, and its sad that i realise only in this month. wat have a become? i methamophosis into sumting that i hate. wat have i done? 1 thing for sure, i love my baby faz.love you so much honey, im sorie for every sin i have done to u, forgive me ayang..mwah!

Happy 1 year 6 months to my baby love! i love her so much! i do anything for her, but sumtimes its to hard. but still i love you ayang..mwah! hehe, puase when da boleh k..hehe

this month was a little special for us.
though we didnt spend much time a labrador park,
just so you know that i really love going back to that place.
that place holds so much memories of us.

thats where we actually started everything.
on that steps,
you asked me to be yours.

i love coming back there.
notthing has changed over there apart from the blown up lamp.
very peaceful, and all we could hear was the sound of wave.
i love you nan and i enjoyed every moment i spent with you there and everywhere.
thanks for everything

happy 18th month baby :)

i had a bad bad bad day..

idk how many people actually shouted at me and how many people i had to plead.
idk how many times i lost my way..
and i also don know how many times i feel like fainting.

oh my..give me the strenght please.

Work starts, and everything fell apart. So many stuff race acros my mind.no point of being optmistic. Up with the daily dose of nonsense. I cant take it anymore. All she do is asume. its driving my crazy. with various imaginable way to find fault. no one can be sane after this.

and so i had a great weekend.
when is the last time i had a proper update.
like finallly i have the time.
on friday..
nann surprise me with a ring.
a new ring for me!!!
the boys had their street soccer fico.
it was nice and simple.

after that..
i had double date with paris and his gf, shima.
we had chendol, ice cream at makan shiok and off to jurong safra for our daily dose of LEFT 4 DEAD.
im impress that his gf can played so well. first time ok!

the next morning..
we went all went to the zoo!!
due to some stuff, nann couldnt make it.
i was so down due to some stuff also..
fadhil and fadillah came to fecth me with their car..
when i arrived, it was raining.
the first show was cancelled.

the guys did veery ways and means to make me feeel better.
hirman even bought me a raincoat.
yes, i was the smallest and i was in yellow
i feeel so loved and bless.

and so we toook the chance to carrry the big phython or whatever the name is..
ewwww...it feeels like $%^&*
i cant reallly describe it here.
but i remeber describing it bren, watie and an when we met for shisha that night.

thats ani :)

I do not know wat to update...aniwaes, faz is with me right now. hmmm...going to work later aha. tomrow is NDP and watching fire work tomorow i guess..aha my family is going to JB tomorow. wonder wat they wll be doing there. I really really miss jamming and going to gig, listening to 1 of the music that i played togeher with qader's band. it was great, awesome..ahah miss those days. well aniwaes im out of words to update, cheers all!

Once again, i dotno what to update. Lets just update random thots.

When will the hate stop. People hating others, without trully understanding why or what hate really is. All they want is to destroy others life, ruin the person who hate others. You spray nonsense about your relligion as an excuse for your hate. Our prophet Muhammad S.A.W after so long of enduring & taken from others. Take their love ones life, their home, their everything. What did this people take from you? what did u endure that none of us have? killing of love one? you justify it by doing the same? Rejoice in kiling innocent life. Killing own life or innocent life was never stated in the holy book in any way, yet it was manipulated as if what you did is right. Take away ur freedom? Isnt it harder to smuggle parts of explosive equipment rather then to transport food? so i ask, is your freedom really taken? Why do you hate so much, your no different then mat-rep only can live with it because manipulating and taking advantage of the riddles in the holy book. your heart is still troubled yet telling yourself lies just to sleep at night. the sad part is, deep inside, u really know that it is a lie and wrong to do so.

Well thats my random tots, and on everypost, of cauce the end i will say...I LOVE MY BABY FAZ! hehe..CHEERS!

im going to smile like there's nothing wrong,
talk like everything is perfect,
act like its all a dream,
and pretend its not hurting me :)

some say holding on is what that makes you strong
but sometimes,
it takes more strenght to let go and move on.

true love is when you shed tears and still wants him
its when he ignores you and you still loves him
its when he degrades and demoralise you to the max,
you still apologise and still loves him
its like when he loves another and you say 'im happy for you'
when all you do is cry and cry

and the truth is..
everyone is going to hurt you..
you just have to decide whos worth the pain...

i wont tell how bad you treated me.
but im NEVER coming back to once i find that strenght to do so..

im so in love with the story.
i dont mind watchung it all over again.
we were seated at the very front row when we catched and hell yeah..
i never enjoy watching a movie so much.
i love it.







super touching.
iskh.
im watching it again.
over flow popcorn for me. heeeeee

i spent most of my time over the weekend on this!
i love it so much.
i didnt know i became so expert playing it.
playing it better then guys.
now who said lan gaming are for guys and chinese girls only??

boleh relek sudah..
im equally goood.
anyone care to play versus with us???
hahahahaaaa!

and of course..
i spent most of my time with my baby.
i love you tooo oni sayang.